Pain vs. Suffering

I’ve been rereading Mindful Birthing by Nancy Bardacke, CNM, and it reminded me of something we don’t talk about enough in birth work:

What pain actually is.

Most of us grow up experiencing that pain means something is wrong.
Pain is usually connected to injury, illness, or danger — and our brains treat it that way.

So when someone anticipates or feels pain in labor, the brain often reacts the same way it would to an injury: with fear, tension, or the thought that “something is wrong,” even when everything is progressing exactly as it should.

But here’s the important part:

Pain — in any context — is information.
It’s the body’s way of getting your attention.

Sometimes that information signals a problem (like injury).
Other times, the information simply tells you that something significant is happening — like growth, stretching, opening, or change.

Labor falls into that second category.

This is what Nancy Bardacke calls “transformational pain.”

Transformational pain is the kind of pain that comes with big changes or growth. It’s uncomfortable and intense at times, but it’s purposeful. Think about teething or growing pains — they’re miserable in the moment, but they’re not harmful.

Labor fits this category.

But because we’re so conditioned to interpret pain as danger, the brain can quickly create fear-based thoughts around the sensation.
And that is what turns pain into suffering.

Here’s the simplest way to understand it:

Pain happens in the body.
Suffering happens in the mind.

Pain + fear
Pain + “this shouldn’t be happening”
Pain + bracing for the next contraction
Pain + focusing on how bad it is

All of that creates suffering.

This is where mindfulness becomes an incredibly helpful tool in labor.
Mindfulness helps you stay with the sensation that’s happening right now, instead of spiraling into stories or expectations about what might happen next.

Mindfulness shifts your relationship with the intensity from:

“This is bad,” → to → “This is working.”
“I can’t do this,” → to → “I can meet this contraction.”
“Something is wrong,” → to → “My body is doing its job.”

And here’s something kinda mind blowing to think about:

If you break down a typical labor pattern, the actual peak intensity — the strongest part of each contraction — often adds up to around 6–12 minutes per hour.

The rest of that hour is:

• the build-up
• the easing off
• or the space between

When you understand this, pain becomes much more manageable. You stop treating the entire hour as “pain,” and instead experience it as waves: moments of work surrounded by moments of relief.

The goal isn’t to pretend labor is easy. It’s not.

The goal is to understand what the sensations mean so your brain doesn’t misinterpret them as danger.

Pain doesn’t have to create fear.
Pain doesn’t have to create panic.
Pain doesn’t have to turn into suffering.

Pain can simply be information — your body showing you that things are moving forward.

If someone you know might benefit from this perspective, feel free to forward this email. And if you’re preparing for a spring or early-summer birth, our next 8-week Birth Prep Circle begins in January. We’d love to support you.

Always in your corner,
Kayla & Leslie