Ask this ? at your next prenatal appointment

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how we’re taught to approach care in pregnancy, especially in hospital settings, and how transactional it can start to feel.

We’re encouraged (rightfully) to ask about C-section rates, interventions used routinely, or how a provider might support the kind of birth we’re hoping for.

And those are really important questions. We also encourage our clients and students to ask them. Knowing whether someone is qualified and how they typically practice helps you make decisions that align with the type of care you want to receive.

But birth is not transactional. It’s not like hiring someone to fix your car or file your taxes.

Birth is deeply human. It is intimate. Vulnerable. Physical. Emotional. Transformative. And the people you choose to have around you during that experience aren’t just “providers”... they’re humans who will be witnessing you in one of the most vulnerable moments of your life.

Which is why I keep coming back to one question that maybe matters the most: Why do you do this work?

Why are you a midwife?
Why did you choose obstetrics?
What made you want to become a doula?

On the surface, this might seem like a “nice to know” question. But we believe it is incredibly telling. Not because there’s a right or wrong answer (there isn’t) but because of how their answer lands for you.

As they respond, pay attention: Do they give a polished, surface-level answer that feels like something they say to just move the conversation along?

Or do they soften, light up, and share something that feels personal and alive?

Neither is good nor bad. It’s just information.

Some people genuinely don’t care why their provider does this work. They want competence, efficiency, and the highest likelihood of making it through the experience safely, and that’s valid.

But if part of what you want in your birth space is someone who feels deeply connected to this work, who sees birth as more than a job, who shows up from a place of meaning and care, and who will bring humanity to your birth space, then this question matters.

So here’s your invitation this week:

At your next prenatal appointment, whether it’s with a doctor, midwife, doula, or anyone else supporting you, ask them why they do this work. Then slow down enough to really listen.

Pay attention to your body.
Notice what feels grounding, reassuring, or aligned.
Notice what doesn’t.

We’d love to hear what you discover. If this question brings clarity, confirmation, or even surprise, you’re always welcome to reply and share.

Always in your corner,
💛 Kayla & Leslie